manda the lover passenger of love going round but not getting anywhere Novemeber 3rd
pics me


Love can sometimes be magic. But magic can sometimes... just be an illusion.
Javan


love is infinite
only you yourself know what to love


good grades for my A levels
a job
makeover
to be happy
for everyone i know to be happy
new handphone

is finally done up!! Yay!! It is super nice! Finally after so long, Meizhen, Yu Chen and I finally managed to do up the noticeboard in like 3 hours from like 2pm to 5pm. The board is full of glitter and the words "Media Club" are so shiny and compatible to the black background. Ooo I love it!

-Sobz- Tomorrow he is going for the OGL camp for 3days 2nights and worse he is not allowed to use his handphone unless of emergency. -Sobz- Wish he have fun though. Am so going to miss him.
Smile Always 7:29 PM


It is only one-and-a half day apart from him, and I am missing him like mad.. Arrgh!!
Smile Always 7:43 PM


Yea I know that this post is a day late but heCk..

27th November:

Today, my dad brought the whole family out to Pizza Hut at the Heartland for dinner. It was so so so so fun!! Guess it is because my dad never bring us to Pizza Hut to eat for a very long time. So much fun ordering the pizzas and the pastas. I ordered a Sausage Mania Baked Pasta, my mum ordered a "make ur own pasta" with the various sauce and toppings, rather nice to eat though. My dad and sis ordered the festive pizza that is being promoted by Pizza Hut for the X'mas season. It was SOOO Yummy with heaps of Parmesan Cheese too!! Think we nearly finished up the cheese.. Hahax.. Later after that we still order an 'Aloha Stuffed Crust Pizza'.. Sooooo GOod!!! Then later we walked a little at the night market at Kovan there.

Oooo Was so stuffed up. But then the bill was so so so expensive, now I know why my dad rarely bring us out to eat at Pizza Hut. Hahax.. My best meal ever!!! Soooo Happy!!
Smile Always 8:26 PM


26 November 2005
Outing

Today I went to meet Jensen at Kovan station at about 10am and he was like rather impatient 'cause I was late - late by only about 10 mins nia. Hee.. Well I was late 'cause I was, erm.., torn between wearing skirt or a pair of cargo pants. But in the end settled for a pair of pants instead. Yea I know it is a stupid excuse and reason to be late. Anyway I met him to return him his $30 which I borrowed from him and also to accompany him to ICA building as he needs to extend his passport for his trip to Vietnam. You should have seen his photo.. It is sooooo CUTE!! Really cute!! But then the photo was like so outdated that he needs to take a new photo.. In the end he missed his turn and had to get a new queue number. Made me waited for like 100 over people before his turn and I was starving already. But at least lunch was on him. Whee..

We had lunch at PLaza Singapura and we both ate the teriyaki chicken meal. It is so yummy with egg, and the yummy sweet salty teriyaki sauce.. Mmmm.. Haha.. After our meal, we sat at the food court there and waited for both our sisters to arrive. He was going to watch a movie Zathura (is was at 2 20pm) with his sister and I was going to go shopping with my sister (Zel).

Went to Spotlight with Zel to look at the prices for the cloth to make banners and to buy Zel's project stuff.. Later we proceeded to P Centre there to print her documents. On the way there we stopped by Guardian so that I can buy my EyeMo for my eye irritation while she bought a fragance oil (Beyond Paradise) for $3 only!!

On the way back to Plaza Singapura, we passed by THIS FASHION and just could not resist the urge to go in and try some clothes. Tried on a pink halter dress while Zel tried a black tube dress, the dress suited me but just dun seem to find the occasion to wear if I had bought it, and Zel found hers weird... so we walked out of there empty handed.

Went back to Plaza Singapura, walked and window shopped abit more while waiting for Jensen and his sister to finish watching the movie. Met them at Ecentric Attic after they had finished the show. After that we all went to the Arcade next to the cinema, played a couple of games before we went our separate ways back home.

Was really glad that he asked me out if not I think I would still be at home facing the computer and the television screen. Really loved today!! It was wonderful!!! Thanks loads.
Smile Always 11:03 AM


Whee.. tml going out!! whee... haha...tml then update!!
Smile Always 11:48 PM


Manx, my eyes are sore. Manx, they are not feeling comfortable when I open my eyes. Arggh, I hate having swollen, puffy eyes. Horrid!! Hope I get well super soon!! XD
Going to Thailand soon!! Anyone wants to help me petsit? If not I go pet hotel le.. :D
Smile Always 10:33 PM


Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz......

Nutthing to do, dun feel like doing homework or self-revision... Just want to rest & relax. Hmm K I think I finish some things up here then I go and try to get something done at least, before I go and sleep...
Smile Always 10:21 PM


This is the new show on channel 8 (okie lar maybe not so new k?). It is all about dancing, which I find is so cool.. Wheee.. I like this show liaox.. XD

Btw today went to ISA, went there to see see look look, hmm I cannot tell you what I heard or see there but all I can say is that I feel as if I am once again having a full-blown History lesson from Secondary 2 on Singapore History for 2 hours straight. Arrgh It is super boring lor, but the last part of the trip was fun, it was super enticing and fun. Hmm they should have placed more time on that instead.

Okie, today was super freezing leh.. Dunno why suddenly it is like the big frost has arrived. But then it is feeling super nice and cooling. I LOVE this weather!! I want to sleep in bed for the rest of the day!! Wheee... But then so sadded when I started realising that I have lecture so early in the morning at 8!! Arrghh!! Hahax.. Well tml still the same thing I have media meeting to discuss the design of the banner.. It is at 9!!

Hmm K i go watch my show liaox..
Smile Always 9:22 PM


is so far the not so good day of my life. Firstly I was not able to have the enough sleep, secondly I could not meet him at all and I was really looking forward to meeting him after the weekends. And to make things worse my mum picked on me for everything. I really am so so sad. I really miss him. Arrggh!! And I really want to go and have fun with my friends tml, but all thanks to the stupid circus that I have to go with my cousins and sisters that I cannot make it for the outing with them. It is actually can go de, but my mum was so pissed at me being out the whole day for tomorrow that she flames me for everything that I did. Manx, I really do not know how to please her anymore. I have my own life to live and I really can take care of myself. The friends I hang out with are not indecent too so why is she always making my life so miserable for me?

My life is so f-ed up. Why is it that everytime I wish for something that I really want for it to come true, it never happens? I just cannot understand why my mum is so strict on my when I am so called the one my parents always depend on when they are not able to be in the house to take care of things? I really wan to be treated as someone who is self-dependent and trusted to take care of myself and my own priorities. Yet I am never given this. All the years I have to play babysitter for my younger sister even though she is now 10. I know that 10 years old is still not that okie to be on her own in the house but at least she can take care of herself for a couple of hours right? And somemore my mum is not working tml.. haix.. I never can do anything that is of her approval.

Anyway I think I do not continue on this le. If not I am going to start thinking that my life is not worth living for.

Anyways, anyone has any idea how to cheer someone up?? Erm, am just asking nia. XD

Misses...
Smile Always 10:21 PM


Hahax.. Am super sianz.. I know I should be working on the movie that I wanted to do for the class.. But well, I do not have all that I need. It is like piecing together a puzzle with its missing pieces.. Arrggh am so going to lose sleep tml. Have bio lecture and thankfully it is at 11 30. But well......

Hmm I just realised that many of my friends whom I knew in secondary school have changed. The okay ones became prettier/handsome, while the pretty/handsome ones became more pretty/handsome. Only me remain the plain me. Hmm but well I dun care, do I? Hmm enough le. Am starting to get so self-conscious le and more image obsessive. This is not me. So I stop here. Happy Day..

p.s I ate 4 packets of MAMEE, noodle snack and 2 big cups of chocolate chip ice cream :D
Smile Always 10:47 PM


Recently I have a friend who is really torn by the fact that she is not going to be with the one she loves. Well they are still friends but my this friend is still having feelings for this guy and still feels the heartache after like a month or so. She feels as if she is being ignored by this guy and really feels hurt. But what she does not seem to realise is that she is in fact being treated the same way as she is being treated by him before they were together. Seriously I have no idea how to console her. I know how it feels to break up with the one you love especially if you realise that he actually revolves around your life, but when you have let him go and you still want him back, there are still 2 options. And the 2 options are, to let him know how you feel and tell him that you really want him back, and the next one is that just forget him. However for the first option there will be times when the guy will not want to get back with you.

Most likely there will be a long period of heartbreak, pain and sadness as you recall the wonderful times you guys spent together during the blissful times of your lives. But as the saying goes " Time will heal all wounds ".

Basically I feel that after a brief period of grieving, it is best to move on. Furthermore my friend is such a great person with wonderful personality and if she makes up she is really a beauty. It really kinda hurts to see her like this. It is worse when I just have no idea how to help her heal up.

Somehow, I still believe in the fact that if you let someone go, and you really want him back, tell him/her. If he/she comes back to your side then he/she is yours and will always be. If he/she does not return then it is just not meant to be. Well, I dunno about others, but I really hope for my friend to be the cheery self again. And for all the other lovers out there I wish you all the best in your relationship.

And for my friend if you know who you are, please cheer up. Everyone is concerned and please do not grief anymore. You can find someone better.
Smile Always 3:07 PM


Hmm I have a feeling the movie that I was intending to do will be done slower than I expected. So I guess the the movie will not be out so soon.. Sorry.. :'(

But well I am trying though.. Haha
Smile Always 12:21 PM


HEY PEOPLE OF 1S01.. COULD YOU ALL SEND ME PICS OR VIDEOS OF THE CLASS? EITHER IN THE CLASS, OUTSIDE, OR IN SCHOOL, OR IF YOU ARE DOING PROJECT WORK CAN? THIS IS IMPORTANT IN THE PROJECT THAT I AM ABOUT TO DO. PLEASE DO ME THIS FAVOUR AND SEND THEM TO ME. HOWEVER I MAY NOT USE ALL THAT YOU SEND ME. FOR THOSE YOU HAVE SEEN THIS MESSAGE CAN YOU PLEASE INFORM THE REST? THANKS.

Erm, I Know you guys may wan to know why I wan then, well the reason is simple, I intend to produce a movie of our class life from after 1st 3 months till the holidays. Erm this is also to practice for my media thing, but can you all just please do me this favour? Pretty please? If you guys can help then I am really truly grateful. Once it is done, I send to all k? If I can complete during this holidays that is. OH AND PLEASE SEND THEM TO THIS E-MAIL ADDRESS CAN? THE ADDRESS IS blue_pillowz8@yahoo.co.uk THANKS A MILLION!!

P.S Erm, the movie may not be produced afterall considering the amount of work we need to do and the amount of slacking that I need to catch up on. sORRY TO TROUBLE ALL OF YOU.
Smile Always 11:04 PM


SUper funky song!! I love this. This song is called " The Tide is High " by Atomic Kitten. It is very nice right? Don't you think? Hmm even if you do not like this, too bad for you if you are going to read through this post, because it is not going to stop. Heehee.. Hmm if any of you have to song in mp3 or wma, can send me? Thanksz.

Wheee... Finally the Skill A is over. Although I think I did not do well, afterall I had the last part left not done, and that includes the safety precautions and the steps to ensure the reliability of the results. Plus to make things worse, I anyhow write the steps of the experiment that is to be carried out. Well partly because there is not enough time and another reason is because I cant think. Arrgghh.. haha.. If I can pass this then I think I will take a leaf out of Jensen's book, and treat the class to a cup of mountain dew each or maybe some chips. Hahaz..

Well I guess I learnt something today, and that is that it does pay to be nice to people. Hahax.. What am I saying? Oh it is with regard to the post " What comes around goes around" Hee.. After that incident I changed myself to be more, erm..., I dunno how to describe, towards him and I am glad that he does not feel so isolated from me or feel like he is nobody le!! Yay!! Am so happy!!

Oh ya back to today's business.... Hmm today after school, went to Toa Payoh library to return some books and also borrow some books too. Then afterwards went to tutor Jensen for maths. Went home straight after that.. Soon after went out with dad, Brenda and Sparky to fetch my mum from her workplace. Then we went to meet Zel at Raffles Place there after her outing with her friend. Hmm later we proceeded to EAST COAST PARK for dinner and some walking since Sparky rarely comes outing with us. We ate steamboat, while Sparky watches us eat with the occasional food to her from the steamboat so that she does not get so hungry before she gets home to her own food. We went to stroll along the beach in EAST COAST PARK after dinner, and at the same time letting Sparky enjoy her time out with us. It was so fun!! However on the way home in the car, there was the existence of 3 PIGS - Sparky, Brenda and Zel. They 3 slept throughout the journey home. Hmm only me, my mum and my dad did not sleep; well if my dad slept then who is driving? Haha... But then Sparky woke up as we turned the corner and onto our road. It is like she knew she was home. I only knew that cats has this kind of sense that can so-called allow them to know where are they and if they are home, but I did not know if dogs have this sense. Oooo isn't it cool?

Hmm I think I continue to slack online even if it means staring at the screen untill it explodes.. (bryan's suggestion - Is to do homework.. Super diaoz right?) Haha.. Super great day!! Am going to keep up with the good attitude towards him too.. Ganbatte!! (this is to me)
Smile Always 10:16 PM


Tomorrow.. The day for another SPA session. Whee.. Am so excited.. oh boy so excited... ... ... ... ... ...

IN case anyone can did not notice I am not that enthu for this SPA session. So the above paragraph is really being sacastic. Hmmm this SPA sessions is really not like the others where we just go there and follow the instructions, but rather is more on designing an experiment for the task that we are to investigate. MAnx, am not really that good in being creative. Hmm think this is not my forte. I am really more or less a book person.. Really hope that I can do this exam since there is only one chance and no more for this assessment of this Skill A of the SPA.

Wishing all those out there taking the SPA assessment tomorrow all the best of luck. Gambatte!!
Smile Always 8:17 PM


Hmm today during physics lecture then I really realise the actually meaning of this proverb. No way am I going to make others feel so insignificant le!! I sure so not want to feel the same way as I treated them!! Sorry to all those whom I did things to make them feel so bad and like.... SORRY!!
Smile Always 6:58 PM


Hmm today I went to watch the new Harry Potter movie with my family, the show was wonderful, but somehow it was all spoilt by the children and adults in the cinema. Including the teenagers using their handphones to sms here and sms there.. SO IRRITATING!! Really and it just kills the mood to watch the show in peace. Furthermore U can hear every word that the kids are sayign to their parents and their parents also cannot say " erm, mummy/daddy after the show then explain k? Just enjoy the show okie?" Manz, Am also so pissed off by the non-stop ringing of the mobile phone next to me and throughout the whole row. The stupid phone's light keeping going on!!

Manz what is with all these SIngaporeans? Why cant they just watch a decent show without using their mobiles? Even if they must why not go to the toilet in the cinema to use? Using it in the middle of the show where every single soul in the cinema can hear whatever stupid conversation you are having with the other soul on the other line. It is just atrocious!! K I admit, I do use my phone too. Although I do use the phone in the cinema, it is under the covers of my bag that I use to be considerate enough, so that the people dun see the glare of the phone light. MANz... So pissed at these people. The whole show was supposed to be fun but end up being so darn pissed at these inconsiderate people!! ARRGGHHH!!! Really you know....

K I know this blog post has notthing to do with HArry Potter movie.. Think I will update U all on the movie tml ba.. Nitez!!
Smile Always 12:45 AM


Manx.. I give up looking for blogskins le.. Hahaz.. I am going to watch CSI now!!
Smile Always 11:56 PM


Somehow when you realise that you need this particular person the most and that you cannot live without him/her, it is just when you are about to lose him/her. I now learnt my mistake that nearly cost me the biggest and most wonderful thing that ever happened to me.

I was a fool and I won't ever be that fool again this time. I vow to let this be the last time that I ever pulled such stunt. Even if it was to be playing hard to get, I think this was the extreme. Right now I just want to be who I am, and not the one that causes all these to actually happen. I was stupid to make this fear of mine to happen.

I guess this will be the last time I will ever pull such stunt again. I promise.
Smile Always 7:29 PM


Thank you for this second chance. I will treasure it forever. I am sorry.
Smile Always 12:08 PM


I hate everything about my life. Nothing I ever did is ever that wonderful to anyone. Nutthing at all. What have I done really to deserve this type of treatment? I am never the one that anyone wants. It is like when choosing for a team. I am usually the one that is being picked last. Not only this, I seldom have the same type of freedom that my eldest sister has when she was my age. I am always like this. Nothing is ever good enough, even with the good grades. I know I should not complain but I need a Breather.

No matter what I do, It is forever wrong!! I hate my life!! I just hate it!! Why cant I ever get anything right at all? MY life is screwed, my relationship is also on the rocks. Sometimes I really want to take the easy but harsh way out of this entire misery. Not only this, my relationship with my family, especially with my mother, is also not that good anymore le.

I really am so lost. I HAte my life and that is that
Smile Always 8:54 PM


Today I really regretted. For today, all that I really known really happened. It was the end. Just the end. I dunno why I even brough this up to him. Afterall we were great together and yet I just brought the idea of wanting to leave. Is this right? No I know it is never right since all I only considered was that I was only hurting him by being with him. Yet while agreeing to remain friends still, it really breaks my heart to just let everything go just like that. I had thought that I would be ready to just let him go since everything I ever did for him was to make things more difficult for him, but I was wrong. It was only the selfish me that was doing the talking and convincing that it was the right thing to do. Somehow the story that I read in the book " CHicken SOup for the Teenage Soul III" that by letting him go, it would be the best for him, was the wrong; life is never like that at all especially LOVE.

From about after school till 4.30pm, both of us practically sit down and talked about just everything. Though we have agreed to remain friends, there was still something lacking. No, I should be saying that there was suddenly a hole in my heart. Oh.. What stupidity has nearly cost me to lose him. Yes I admit, we are not over and I really hope that this will be the first and the final time. A second chance, I really hope that we can overcome everything that we have to face. A Second Chance, I do not want to be as he said to lose the person you love then you realise that he/she actually is the most important person in your life. I am stupid to pass out a kind of guy like him, yet I just do not know what came over me to want to break up with him.

A fresh start, to begin anew with him for once and for all, starting from today (about 4.40pm). To start and be with him no matter what. Even if we both know that next year there is a high chance that we will not be together as often as this year, I guess just like he said ba, that as long as we are together in spirit, there is absolute nothing that we cannot overcome.

I guess I am going to be super dependent on him now, because I am just like a lost puppy and I need him to guide him. WE can be... If we try to be...

STANDING AT THE BEGINNING AGAIN WITH HIM!!
Smile Always 6:30 PM


I know that there are certain things that we can never have it the way that we want. But yet there is always this sense of hope that it will be what as we had imagined it to be. You know I just cannot help thinking even after all that he say is not, that I am weighing him down. It is like he can never do anything that he wishes without thinking about how I am feeling, if I am willing or not. No this is not a self-blaming post, but rather wanting to say that afterall we have been through I just am not being there enough for him at all. I know that now with the new year approaching soon and with the constant pressure of wanting to keep up, there will be less time for us to be together. I know I promise not to feel left out but yet there is always a kind of feeling that I am being left out all the same.

Yea everything you people see is that we get along really well, but who knows when we might fight again over trival matters. All these fights all start because of me being so less supportive that I say I am of him. It is afterall a compromise that I have to accept whatever he wishes to do. But how? Yet I know I never regretted. Oh dear, as I rambled on about this pissed feeling that I have of myself, I know everyone out there is wondering... wondering about what only you people know best.

My life is so screwed up that I have absolute no idea what I want to do with it. Day after day, it is like right now I just want to be in his arms like that day at Sentosa. I dunno anymore already. I really can see the joy of being with him forever but still....

Today he actually wanted to come over and I really wanted him to come over too, but still I told him not to come. WHy? You may say that I am foolish, but still I just dunno how am I going to face with the constant pressure from my mum who tells me to concentrate on what I am doing now. To just remain friends with whoever and not bother about Boy-Girl Relationships. Well it is not only my mum but my cousins too... I have never told him about all these, and I know how it would feel learning about all these through my blog just as the whole world has access to it. Believe me when I say that I have no intention of wanting to hurt him. Yet I really have no idea why there are some who object to us. Really I have no wish to be in this dilemma, neither do I want to leave since that very day; I am really very happy with him, and that is genuine. No matter what he is there, yet when he needs me I am running away. Is this meant to be like this? A constant taking but never really giving to him? No I know it is not meant to be like this. Never was.

LIke I said, my life is very funny and it is like I have no control over it. It makes me ashamed. Recently I read this book " DOLLMAGE". This story is about how this girl ANNAKEY, forges her own life despite the promise doll that she received on the day of her birth. Her promise doll had a frown on its face, yet she proves her promise doll wrong and always loving and being happy; FORGING her own destiny and not bothering about what others have to say of her.

I really admire this spirit in this heroine. Yet I do not think I have the same courage and strength that resides in her. Perhaps if given more time? No I will never be as strong as her in spirit.

I guess it is time for me to make another promise that I know I wont break again. This promise is to him and it may apply to others if you just change the words around slightly.

THIS PROMISE IS TO HIM...... I CANNOT PROMISE THAT I CAN COMPLETELY FEEL INDIFFERENT TO ALL YOUR CHOICES AND ACTIONS, BUT I KNOW THAT I CAN PROMISE THAT I WILL SUPPORT YOU STILL THROUGHOUT THE CHOICES AND ACTIONS YOU HAVE DECIDED TO MAKE OR TAKE. MAYBE YOU WILL FEEL MY UNHAPPINESS MY UNWILLINGNESS TO LET YOU BE, BUT PLEASE JUST IGNORE IT. YOU ARE WHO YOU ARE AND NOT FOR ME TO CONTROL. YOUR CHOICES AND DECISIONS ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT. HENCE EVEN IF YOU CAN FEEL THAT I AM NOT HAPPY WITH YOUR CHOICES, JUST IGNORE IT OKIE? I AM JUST THROWING A TANTRUM THAT ONCE I SEE THROUGH THE LOGIC I WILL REGRET MY ACTIONS. THIS IS ALL I CAN PROMISE TO YOU. Unhappiness is the only thing that you never bring me at all. Of me feeling neglected, I know is just a passing phase, so a little coaxing will be okie to make me feel less but please do not/ NEVER give up whatever you intend to do. PLEASE JUST PROMISE ME THIS ONE THING.

I do hope that after I blog this I am able to be as strong as the heroine ANNAKEY and forge my path the way she did, and also keeping to the promise that I just said.

{{[[ PS.. ERM.. i hope i am not asking much if there is no sarcastic remarks regarding this blog? No hard feelings to be taken into place? THanks still ]]}}
Smile Always 8:59 PM


Hmm, this is to continue from yesterday since I dun think that I had said everything that I wanted to say. Hee.. Well yesterday at sentosa, we had a 1S01 outing. We played games, ran, swam and most importantly witnessed some fishermen at play.. Hahaz..Weisheng and colin caught some fishes and 2 crabs.. (erm bryan itz not XZ k?) haha.. So cool..

WEll me missed the last bit of the fun cause mum not feeling well and have to go back and look after my younger sister. Hmm Guess i really missed alot of fun huh.. Well Just hoping that next time I really can make it le.

Sunburn not so bad lar.. Just feeling that it is more itchy instead...
Smile Always 3:32 PM


FUN!! OOO loads of fun leh today. Thanks guys although I could not make it to the steamboat with you guys I really had fun still. ARRggh!! haha.. Guess it came with a price too.. SUNBURN!! Hahax.

Today was so fun, we played frisbee, volleyball, and went swimming in the sea. Well I did not really want to go into the water since I was lazy to get myself wet, But in the end that J carried me and throw me into the sea. Hahahz and it was not only once okie? It was THREE times, I repeat THREE timeS!!! Hahax.. But am a little grateful since I really had so much fun.

Hmm am not going to say more now lar. AM still trying to nurse the sunburns. So itchy.. haha.. Guess cannot wear clothes with sleeves at the moment. They are making the Burns worse. **enduring the itch**

Btw!! 051S01.. YOU PEEPZ ARE THE BEST!! WE ROX!!! YAY!!!
Smile Always 8:21 PM


This morning, don't know what happened suddenly had a very terrible nightmare. Okie not 1 but think it is about 2. (scary) OKie the nightmare is like this:

I was dreaming about being in a zoo with my family. We went to the lions den there. Then I dunno why I proceeded to the exit. But then the exit there was flooded like there was some river or lake. I was standing in the middle of the lake with some other people but the special thing about these people is that they have dolphins with them. But then suddenly there was blood! And one of the people there was bleeding. However the others did not notice as they were already in front swimming with the dolphins. Then suddenly this woman ask me to run bringing her dolphin with me in case the sharks come after sensing the blood in the water. Dun ask me why like this. But then the moment i went thru the doors of the exit, I was face to face with a mad tiger and a mad man. The mad man attacked me! And all of a sudden my dog, Sparky came to my rescue and bit that mad man. Then there was a change of scene. Now it is in the house of the mad man, and my Sparky was sitting on his sink. Then dunno how, a china cup fell from the top and hit my Sparky on the head. The mad man then skined her and bake her into a cake and sent over to my place as my birthday cake, along with some crazy letters.

I don't know but this is roughly it. Am so freaked out and so sad. I remembered I woke up crying and calling for Sparky. Was a relieved to find her next to my bed. Oh, I really wish that it is not true. REally don't know what I will do without her. -sobz-

I hate nightmares!!
Smile Always 8:49 PM


Why is it that everytime I wanna go out have fun is always a NO-NO to my mum? Why is it that just a one whole day affair out for fun is always a huge mistake? Nothing I ever do is ever of her approval. Why am I the responsible one? Why am I to be the one who has to look after my younger sister? Why am I to be the one who does not have the fun here? I hate being the middle child!! Really HATE!! WHy is it that she feels so good if I am miserable? I hate this!! I hate this arrangement!!

Sorry folks. Think this Friday high chance I not going for the Steamboat. Hate her for always not trusting me..SORRY S1
Smile Always 8:59 PM


Whee.. Today baked sponge cake!! After like so long.. Think about 2 years never do any baking le (ahem is the one you do in the kitchen do not anyhow think hor) Hmm well the cake turned out alright but I think it is super sweet. Hee..

Anyways, Shaoting came over today for a swim. LOl... When we were about to go swimming, it started to rain. Hahazx.. Talk about bad timing. Hee.. But at least she managed to bond with Sparky. Immediately after the rain we went to swim. Manx, the water was so cold plus it was still drizzling. Freezing cold.. Haha.. Well at least we had loads of FUN!! SO happy!!!
Smile Always 8:29 PM


I really wish that I can be there more often for him. But well... ... I guess it is alright anyway.

Am I right to believe whatever that I have read from a self-help book? That to help him is to let him go? But then again it seems like I never have a mind of my own since afterall what I read always form the basics of my thoughts. No matter how, it is always what I read that tell me how I show react, behave. In fact I think all my fears (not just relationship fears) all come from the things that I read, watch. Watching the news alone and seeing that there is a risk of the plane crash makes me cringe in fear of going on tours with my family. Reading one story in secondary school on the author's pet dog dying of heartbreak as the author abandons it, makes me fear of being apart from my own Sparky. I know that it is very silly to believe in stuff that can be prevented or even stuff that are fiction. But I just cannot stop myself from believing them. All my life for 17 years, I have always believed that there is a paradise somewhere; that life is really wonderful, flawless. Believing that as long as you give your best shot, you will be rewarded very soon. But life is never like that. Fear of being isolated from the world. Fear of being left alone. I do not know what is the truth, what is the fact, and what is a lie, what is a view anymore.

Now I really am lost. What to think what to feel. Everyday is the same, though there is still hope and spice now and then. But what should I believe in to form the foundation of my own thoughts and beliefs? I know that no matter how I read books, or watch shows, I still believe in true love. So cliche, true.. But that is my belief. What to think How to think. I guess I just give up. YEt I cannot and must not let the books form the basics of my life. I know I must never let it happen again. After 17 years, I will start afresh. No I did not say it is easy but at least I know that I can rely on friends and family and him for help. Life is tough, but I will endure whatever it throws to me. *I must be strong*

I will be the me I wish to be. Just the me I am. Diaoz, but then what is with me and this post? Ah haha.. Am just crapping? Or not? I dunno. I do not want to say more le. Since I have absolute no idea why am I saying all these in this post. Am trying just too hard to want to live a perfect life? Then again what is a perfect life??
Smile Always 1:12 PM


At the Beginning
Donna Lewis & Richard Marx from Anastasia
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


We were strangers
Starting out on a journey
Never dreaming
What we'd have to go through
Now here we are
And I'm suddenly standing
At the beginning with you

No one told me I was going to find you
Unexpected, what you did to my heart

When I lost hope You were there to remind me
This is the the start

CHORUS:
Life is a road, & I want to keep going
Love is a river, I want to keep flowing
Life is a road, now & forever
Wonderful journey
I'll be there when the world stops turning
I'll be there when the storm is through
In the end I want to be standing
At the beginning with you

We were strangers, on a crazy adventure

Never dreaming, how our dreams would come true

Now here we stand
Unafraid of the future
At the beginning with you

CHORUS

I knew there was somebody somewhere
Like me alone in the dark
Now I know my dream will live on
I've been waiting so long
Nothing's gonna tear us apart

CHORUS

Life is a road & I want to keep going
Love is a river I wanna keep going on

Starting out on our journey

Life is a road & I want to keep going
Love is a river, I wanna keep flowing
In the end I want to be standing at the beginning with you


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Smile Always 12:53 PM


Today went out with J, to watch movie (or rather a late movie) haha.. not that i am complaining and the late is late not as in timing late but rather out-dated late. Lol.. Hmm the movie was nice, and since the movie had been screening for a very long time le, the cinema we went onli had about 10 people including us. After the movie we went jalan jalan. Realised that J8 sell hermit crabs with cute shells. Ooo the crabs are so cute!!!!!!!!!! Really wished tat I can have one. But well......

Hmm before that whole thing, I did something so malu that manx.. I dunno where to put my face if i said it out.

Anyways the class outing finalised le, 11th Nov at Sentosa. Hmm Think I go and pia Bio Olympiad. heCk it anyways. If dunno then dunno lor, at least I tried. XD
Smile Always 11:18 PM


Finally the oral presentation is over le!! So happy!! Finally can dun care others will say about tone my speech and my nervousness le!! Although that is no good still.. hee.. Anyways, this is the time that I have been waiting for the end of the Oral Presentation which also makes the end of the Project Work cycle. Whee.. Yet a part of me kinda misses the times that our group spent together just trying to figure the project out. Hmm but at least 1 less stressful thing in life liaox.. XD

Hmm think I now go and enjoy the MAR anime that Shaun helped me burn. LALALA..
Smile Always 8:51 PM


What Makes You a Real Beauty?
Amanda, your Sense of Humor makes you a real beauty

That's right, funny girl — you like nothing better than a hearty chuckle to feel better. Laugh lines? Who cares? A sweet and witty woman like you knows that staying young and looking your best is all about the good times you have along the way.

An optimist at heart, you're the friend people come to when they need cheering up. Sure, you take important things seriously, but you also know how to look on the bright side and lighten up difficult situations. And there's nothing funny about that. Keep it up!


What's on your mind?
Here is the analysis:

You'll drop everything to be with the partner of your dreams, and you'll give their sentimental presents rather than expensive ones. Nevertheless, your spontaneous nature does have a limit, and when the romance is over, you'll head back to work to pick up the pieces.


What Kind of Player Are You?
Amanda, your player style is Chillin

Mellow — that's your style. You take life pretty easy and don't get your undies in a bunch about too much. That's what makes you so easy and enjoyable to hang out with. While others are trying to change the world, you're just looking to enjoy it.

Good natured and easy-going, you take life as it comes instead of trying to stir things up. You usually don't give two shakes about bling, frontin', or the cutting edge. It's all about keeping it real and having a good time while you're doing it. For real.

Smile Always 2:14 PM


Project work...... can I surrender? I wanna surrender!! Arrggh! Why so many things to do? Haiz.. (I&R done halfway!! wanna stop)

Me sad, unlike bryan who found loads of $$ stash away, I have none. Today I only lived on $ 2.50 worth of coins. Sadded... =(
Smile Always 11:24 PM


U would never believe...... that Mr Albert Einstein had a love quote. It is so cool ya know. Hmm Let u guys see it for yourself

Gravitation can not be responsible for falling in love

Super cool right? I never expected that he would have a love quote that is so cute! Hahax.. Cute? guess it is not the appropriate thing to say but well i think it is cute!! XD

I came across this quote while i was at hougang mall. Me went to popular while waiting for the library to open and for him to arrive. Hmm think i next time go there must see what are the other quotes that are so interesting.
Smile Always 9:11 PM


It is big!! Huge!! And easy to get lost in. Haha.. Hmm the talk today was.... CRAP!!! Arrgghh it was a complete waste of our time. Thank goodness the talk lasted for an hour onli. Dun ask me wad are the contents of the talk because during the talk I was crapping with WS and Olivia (she took over Aarti's place), and Raymond and Colin. We were passing 2 pieces of tissue papers and writing on them. It was sort of a group chatroom on tissue. Hahax.. So instead of hearing the guy talk we were crapping away on paper.. XD

Well the talk was really sianx lor. If he was going to present for oral presentation, I think I will give him a low AE grade. Really am almost dozing off, just hearing him talk.

After the talk we five peepz, tried to find our way out of NUS. On the way, tat stupid WS, suddenly say "FROG". Arrrgghhh!! Scare me.. the toad din move even with Oli, Colin, Raymond and me stepping around it. Hahax, right? Anyway, the toad was in the way of a vehicle which is about to move out of its lot. So we five panicked, or rather all except WS, onli Oli was brave enuff to use her file to want to nudge it out of the car's way; only after that then we realise that the toad was DEAD!! EEwwwww... *goosebumps* hahax

Once out of NUS, we all headed to Plaza Singapura for a late dinner. Yummy, had teriyaki chicken at the foodcourt and also peach tea. So yummy!! haha.. We talked loads of crappy stuff during dinner, so funny. I even realised that the five of us are actually from the 5 different project work groups. SUPER COOL!!! (Oli - SR035, Me - SR036, Colin - SR037, WS - SR038, Raymond - SR039) hahax.. We stayed to continue chatting while waiting for Colin to finish his red bean ice, until the cleaner chased us off.. Hahax. So after dinner, it was home-ward bound le!!
Smile Always 11:23 PM


..hahax. Hmm today is a great day, I think so ba. Hahaz.. Well at least my oral presentation went rather smoothly though Mr A and J still say that I was a little nervous still. Wonder why though? But hey I guess I still can work on it, and become more confident in the presentation that I am delivering. Haha.. However, today when Mr A gave back our group's I&R, omg, 1 page of my I&R was completely being rejected. Guess this weekend is not meant to be so free liaox. Anyways, I can be slacking le, since this Monday the 7th of November is my Oral Presentation day itself. So I must buck up!!

After the rehearsal today, J and I went to Kovan, just for a short while to slack and buy the cake for his deputy head's b'day. Also I went to eat CUP CORN again!! Haha, the cup corn at Kovan there super nice, both salty and buttery at the same time. Think if I go and eat somemore I sure will super size myself. Haha. Oh ya and erm, we also went there to explore the photoprint machine that I had discovered yesterday. The machine is super cool lor; it is almost like the Neoprint machine but cheaper and it is able to print photos from the handphone!! Muwahahahaha.. super cool!! Next time I so going to utilise that machine more often. XD

Before leaving Kovan, went to Mac to buy lunch for my sister who is now still sleeping. Hahax, PIG!! oops.. hope she dun see this.. XP

Later tonight have to go to this NUS talk which is something on the university admission thingy I think?? Ahhh I not too sure. Hee.. But then no bus bring us go (us include Raymond, WeiSheng, Colin and Me)[still have one more but dunno who; was supposed to be Aarti]>.< So me gonna meet them at Kovan mrt there at 4.30pm if not I think I will get lost.

Lastly does anyone have any remedies for getting rid of pimples?? They are irritating me out. Okie I think I am boring everyone with my limited vocab; should go and brush up on vocab and sentence structuring. Later then.. to tell more about the NUS talk.
Smile Always 1:31 PM


...Is not what u can really expect. It is nothing like yesterday. Today is a complete wasted birthday. Why is it that everytime my birthday always is a day of sadness and unhappiness? Maybe I should just not celebrate it at all.. Since it is like not worth at all. My life is always like tat? Why? Really wished that my birthday will be happy not sad. Not his fault btw, for today. If it wasn't for him i guess i would hav just walked out on the outing today. Really missing him loads.. should have gone with the class to watch the movie instead......
Smile Always 10:05 PM


A surprise awaits the November babies.. hahax. The class had prepared a surprise party for us. It was a great day everyone having fun, eating cake, signing each others' class photo, etc.. Not really a project work day at all.. Hahax, and it is all thanks to Mr A. And also i guess the real shock or surprise for the entire class was that Mr H's birthday also falls in the month of November. Lolz, so FUN!!

After the Celebrations in class, I went out with J. Hmm, since he cant celebrate my b'day tml so he celebrated it with me today. Really so Happy!! Thanks A Whole Bunch!! For all your gifts, though they were really a big surprise for me. (he said that it was for wanyi instead) LOLx.. He gave me a CRAB!! Yea a crab, hahax, and a cute and cuddly one!! Hee.. Thanksz..

Also during the outing we went to jux shop around and hav fun. From school to Kovan then to Toa Payoh Cental then to Hougang Mall. Hee, cauz i needed to buy a new pair of shoes.. Actualli I really missed hanging out that Toa Payoh Central with anyone. REally missed the good old days with my buddies.. But then again I guess the best thing today was to see him smile so wide just toking about his fun times in secondary school.

Anyways Am so looking forward to tml.. Its the day when i dun just meet the criteria of NC16. Hahax.. >.< Not onli that have more prezzies. K am just joking.

But still I guess a year older means less childish and stubborn, and more mature. **whatever** **rolls eyes** Am just so gonna be ME!! Once again, THANKS 051S01!!

btw, HAPPY BIRTHDAY WANYI!!
Smile Always 6:29 PM


Thanks 051S01.. You Guys rawks!! thanks for everything today.
Smile Always 6:25 PM


WooHooHoo... Haha, the Chinese 'A' exam is finally over which means now i hav ta concentrate on my project work oral presentation liaoz. Oh manx and my oral presentation now is so sucky. Haiz, i really need a miracle to obtain an ME at least.

At least now with the extra time on my hands, i can go workout le. So stupid lor, yesterday when i went swimming at my place there, i realise that i hav no stamina liaox. So malu. Then later at night I tried to do crunches also can do a max of 5 without feeling tired. Die lar if i dun buck up my workout schedule i am so going to be fat. Haiz, so this is the result of eating too much during the Exam Period.*curses*

Hmm on Sunday my cousin came over and complain to me that it is gettign to hard to date me out liaox. Hahax, well U wanna date me out can lar.. haha.. just tat becauz of the sickening 'A' level mother tongue exam. So ----, I completely anyhow write for the compo. But hecK lar, it is so over le.. Yippe!! hahax.

Also as my mp3 player is still not replaced.. dunno why they just dun get wad my problem is when i e-mailed them about it. So I tink i will just go down to their headquarters to solve this matter. Really hope that they will replace it since it is not a software problem but rather the player problem itself.

Well so I will now go back to slacking full-time.. Hahax.. And oh ya, HAppY birthDay CoLin!!!
Smile Always 12:23 PM